


Siriannus Noire is Drag Culture Trash

by Mystradigans



Series: Trashy Sirius [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, Drag Queens, M/M, RuPaul's Drag Race References, This is not how i wanted this to happen, What Have I Done, is that a thing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystradigans/pseuds/Mystradigans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Siriannus is a brand new drag queen, determined to be the best damn queen in Hogwarts history. However, will James' reluctance to accept this new side of her get in her way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Siriannus Noire is Drag Culture Trash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spikedpoppies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikedpoppies/gifts).



> For Spikedpoppies, who came up with this amazing suggestion. I'm sorry it turned bit angsty I don't know what happened lmao oop

"He's just a boy but he's a bottom" rang out from the enchanted speakers currently hovering over the great hall. Siriannus Noire smirked. It was time to make her debut.

Stumbling just a little in her stilettos, Siriannus strode through the door, tossing her hair over one shoulder and sending a flirty wave over to the teachers table which was promptly returned a chuckling Dumbledore as McGonagall looked on in horror. All heads were turned as she strutted down the runway, dressed in a classy ankle-length black dress, reading her audience as she did so.

"Mm, Miss Minerva darling you seem to be serving fish. Yes gurl, and it's fucking tuna" she quipped, and the Ravenclaw table yelled "OH!" behind her. She paused in front of the Slytherin table to glare at Snape. "Snivellous honey, please beat your face into submission or at least fix your weave. It's as greasy as your arsehole!"

Leaving Snape to choke on a bread roll, she strode over to the Gryffindor table, where the other Marauders were sitting. "Hello Moony, yas gurl your, uh, jumper is very couture. I don't know why you're hanging out with these stank queens when you could be with a goddess" she said, gesturing towards Prongs and Wormtail.

"Uhm, hey Sirius" Prongs greeted.

"Bitch please, it's Siriannus. And don't act like you have the right to address me in person when you look like you just crawled out of a Glaswegian gutter."

"Uhm, sorry.. Siriannus.. is this because you watched 7 hours of RuPaul's Drag Race last night?"

Siriannus turned to her slowly. "Prongs, don't pretend you know my life or my story. You don't even know me bitch. Don't talk anymore."

Wormtail glanced at Siriannus' dress and large silver jewellery. "What are you wearing, you weirdo?"

"At least my outfit wasn't chosen by my mother" Siriannus snapped. She had a moment of brief insecurity, which thankfully was quelled with the final chorus of Boy is a Bottom and Remus' grin at her drag.

She sat on the bench, tugging her skirt in front of her, and wondered how much dinner she could eat without damaging her waistline.

***

Siriannus was on fire. She strutted down the corridor in her heels, singing Beyonce's Crazy In Love under her breath to help her keep her rhythm. She was getting far better at heels, even managing not to fall over when the staircase swung at random to another floor. She was vaguely aware of some other queen yelling some shit at her from across the room, but she decided they weren't worth her time and strode on.

"Hey Prongs!" she smirked, going to grab his arm as the passed each other in the corridor. Prongs flinched away from her touch, and Siriannus turned to glare at her. Who did this queen think she was, to flinch away from the closest thing to Beyonce this irrelevant fucking school would ever experience. As if to compensate, Moony was the next person to pass her, and Siriannus was distinctly aware of him staring at her ass as she strutted away.

It wasn't until she was out of the corridor and into her History of Magic lecture that it occurred to her that this was probably the first time she'd gone a whole day without a conversation with James since they met.

***

Siriannus' endeavour into expressing herself through drag had had a variety of effects so far. Firstly, she was getting a lot more attention than normal (and as Sirius, attention had hardly been lacking) both from people hitting on her and making lewd comments about her legs, which she didn't mind so much as she did have great legs but it was irritating when she just wanted to get to class, and from a greater majority of people shouting "freak" in her direction as she walked past. This upset her more than she let on, because despite maintaining her confident persona by yelling well-placed insults back at her hecklers, being mocked every time she felt the need to make an appearance as Siriannus was beginning to hurt.

She probably wouldn't have minded except for the second major effect of her self-expression- the fact that it seemed to be making Peter and James so uncomfortable. Pete she wasn't quite as worried by- Wormtail was shady a lot of the time anyway- but James' reluctance to be seen in public with her while she was in a dress and stubborn refusal to call her Siriannus was worrying. Remus, on the other hand, was being either closer to her than normal, complimenting every feminine look she put together and offering to sort out the music when the need to perform overcame her. While Siriannus enjoyed this, she had a nagging suspicion that Moony was more attracted to her in drag than out of it, and this worried her too. She wanted Moony to love Sirius Black AND Siriannus Noire, and the tentative maybe-relationship that had been building between them could be ruined if this was not the case.

She supposed a brief musical number might cheer her up a bit. She picked herself up off of Remus' lap and, with a glare towards where James and Peter were playing chess and pointedly not looking over, hopped onto the coffee table in the Gryffindor common room. There she began a half-hearted rendition of Britney Spears' 'Work Bitch', all too conscious of the grimace on James's face.

"Someone stop him please, it's gotton weird" remarked a fourth year who was hastily packing his things to get away from the show.

"Haha, Siriannus? More like Siri-Anus" chortled some kid in the first or second year. Siriannus bit back the urge to snap 'I know, that's the fucking point- It's a pun', choosing instead to continue the song; "Look good in a bikini? You better work bitch". James got up from his seat and left the common room, presumably for the library or Great Hall or anywhere Siriannus was not and that was the final straw.

Halfway through the chorus, she suddenly froze and, before her small audience that was Moony and a couple of older girls could react, dashed from the table and up to the Boy's Dormitory, where she flung herself into bed and drew the curtains around her.

***

It was 15 minutes later when Sirius, now out of the dress and having cried off most of his make-up, heard a tentative knock at the door. "Leave me alone!" he yelled, knowing it could only be Remus and unable to face the dissatisfaction seeing Sirius instead of Siriannus would surely give his almost-boyfriend.

Remus entered anyway and silently crossed the room to sit beside Sirius. "Are you ok? What happened?"

Sirius choked on a sob; he didn't deserve to be shown kindness, he was sure of it. "J-James" he sniffled. "He h-hates me. Because of the drag thing- and I-I feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I-"

Sirius felt himself being enveloped in Remus' warm arms and he cried harder, pressing his face into the other boy's shoulder. He wanted to talk more, to explain how wearing the girl's clothes had made him feel pretty and confident until the rejection from everyone else had ruined that and made him feel ridiculous; how scared he was that no one could accept and love all of the these sides of him, but his tears broke the words up into incoherent fragments that only seemed to confuse Remus more.

"So, you're upset about James?" 

Sirius nodded. "I don't want him to look at me differently- I don't want you to look at me differently!"

"I won't, I don't.. you know I don't have a problem with you wearing dresses"

"Do you have a problem with me not wearing dresses?"

Remus coughed. "Like, being naked? Because I don't-"

Laughing despite himself, Sirius wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "No, not like naked. I've been worried about, well, it sounds really stupid now" -and it felt stupid too, like remembering a nightmare in the morning and realising how irrational it sounds when there's daylight, when Remus' arms were wrapped tightly around him- "but I was worried that, cos you seem to like Siriannus so much you might not.. like.. me?"

He felt Remus stroke his hair gently. "I love you" whispered Moony. "And I promise it's gonna be ok"

And with that, he leaned in and kissed Sirius.

***

The next morning, Siriannus was sitting opposite Remus on the Gryffindor table, with Peter beside her. She was holding hands with Remus across the table, which was making it far easier to ignore Prongs' absence. Pete was being friendlier towards her than she had been since the drag had started. Even so, it seemed her good mood was not infallible.

"Hey, Pads- uh, Siriannus" came James' voice from behind her.

Siriannus buried her face in her gloved hands. "Why don't you just sashay away Prongs?"

"I'm sorry" Prongs blurted. "I've been a dick. I just- I didn't know how to act around you I guess? Fuck, that came out like you make me uncomfortable- you don't make me uncomfortable! I wanted to show you that, so I uhm.. can you please look at me?"

Siriannus turned slowly around, and found herself face-to-face with a 6 foot tall glamour queen, who was barely recognisable as the Gryffindor chaser beneath her layers of makeup. She was wearing a blond wig and a green dress that Siriannus was sure she'd seen on one Miss Lily Evans in the past but she rocked it.

Siriannus raised a singular manicured eyebrow. "Does the lady standing before me have a name?"

"Yes!" the queen exclaimed. "It's, uhm, Prongsetta de la Stag"

"I see" said Siriannus, keeping her face neutral though she felt an urge to laugh. She'd missed Prongs' awkward little self. "And does Prongsetta de la Stag promise to earn her forgiveness and never be such a shady bitch again?"

"Of course, uh, gurl"

She saw Remus stifling a laugh, and was hit with the sudden realisation that he'd probably spoken to Prongs- her Moony had sorted it out for her.

"Then, since this queen has gone to all the effort of getting all dressed up to prove that she doesn't have a problem with drag, I accept her apology on one condition"

"Anything!"

"That Miss Prongsetta de la Stag and I go head-to-head in a runway contest right now, with Dumbledore and Lily Evans as our judges?"

Prongsetta gulped. "You'll let me win right?"

Siriannus smirked and placed her hands on her hips thrusting forward her chest in an intimidating gesture. "Bitch, this is not RuPaul's best friend race!"


End file.
